I have read many accounts of this past weekend at NCA, and as someone who has lived through and survived a very real trauma (separate from this), I feel I can offer a unique perspective.
I will start by saying that my heart goes out to those who are truly struggling. For many, this experience was lived as an evacuation from a live shooter at a youth sporting event. In those moments, that was real. It was experienced that way.
I wholeheartedly believe that our industry needs to have important conversations about safety at these large-scale events. I am hoping they have already started and are underway. If you are passionate about making positive changes, I encourage you to contact your federations, event producers, and programs to initiate these discussions and efforts.
In the aftermath of this weekend’s alleged parental brawl and the resulting mass exodus from the competition venue, we have to look to the facts as we know them. I’m choosing to look at the most important one.
1. Everyone is alive. PERIOD.
Without a doubt, this is what matters most. The alternative is what could have happened. Nothing matters more than this.
Our industry is SO LUCKY to have been given an opportunity to learn a very serious lesson without the grave consequences we could have faced had this situation become a worst-case scenario.
This could have become one of the greatest tragedies in the history of youth sport—BUT IT DIDN’T.
There are people who were physically hurt and others who may mentally struggle with the very real fear they experienced. They deserve our empathy and support.
But for the large majority of us—we are safe. We survived. We have prevailed.
Resilience and Leadership
Life creates opportunities for us to triumph or face trials. As leaders of young people, we must have a healthy dose of resilience and grit. We need to focus on things we can control. We need to set the example we want them to follow.
I want my girls to see me as someone who is strong. Someone whose emotions are her superpower. Someone who is a helper to others. Who thrives in a crisis. Who can experience this type of situation as it was while keeping it in perspective of what actually transpired.
Dwelling on the internet about what could have happened is not a productive coping mechanism. It often leads to more damaging behavior that can spiral out of control. If you find yourself doom-scrolling about the incident or experiencing recycling thoughts, I urge you to seek help right away.
What We Should Be Grateful For
In this instance, it is my belief that we should be grateful for what did happen.
- The majority of attendees are American school children who have received extensive training in live shooter drills and exit strategies. This training was on full display.
- Many members of our community were outstanding in their responses. The care offered to children and those in need was incredible.
- The Dallas Police have been very vocal in clarifying facts and setting the record straight. They continue to do so.
- The event was able to proceed. Everyone worked tirelessly to rally and make this happen for the kids on Sunday.
You have to take a moment and ask yourself, “Do you want this to be a life-defining moment that forever alters the very fabric of your being, or can it be a learning opportunity?” We can be grateful for the lesson and not amplify the impact.
- It’s okay to keep this in perspective.
- It’s okay to focus on positive changes versus cries of outrage.
- It’s okay to acknowledge that you were scared but that you are or will be okay.
- It’s okay to say you weren’t there and it didn’t directly affect you but that it still scared you or made you sad.
- It’s okay to want our sport’s safety to be better.
The Role of Social Media in Processing Trauma
I know in a social media era, this is a unique thing to have experienced, and it is natural to want to share. Sharing helps me, too. It connects us with others, and we need a place for all of our big feelings to go.
Doing so can also make you feel important for having experienced it, validated, or comforted by the empathy of others. Or you may simply wish to draw attention to what happened as we all seek solutions.
We just have to be careful about what that can do to a mindset and an individual’s ability to cope through real challenge or struggle.
There is a small number of people who were directly present that are still coping with the account of the explanation given. If you believe you heard gunshots or have evidence of a shooter(s), I IMPLORE YOU to contact the Dallas Police with the information you have. You deserve to be heard.
Our International Athletes Deserve Special Consideration
Finally, my heart does break in a special way for our international community. Over 200 children came to NCA from other countries where school shootings do not happen. They have received no live shooter training, and many were traveling without parents across an ocean or a border. I know this rattled many of them and their sense of safety in a foreign place far away from home.
Moving Forward with Empathy and Action
I urge everyone to continue to show compassion and empathy as we move past this weekend. I hope real solutions are discussed and implemented. Things have to change.
I will continue to hold those who struggle in my thoughts, but for the vast majority whose impact or experience was minimal, I hope we can rally to be the strength our community needs and to lend our voices in support of those who experienced the most.
I was lucky to be in Dallas but not at the venue. I was fortunate that my team was back at our hotel. While we did have two coaches, some parents, and very close friends in the building, I was able to determine their safety and provide support to others from afar.
As I said earlier, I have experienced very real trauma in my life. Because of this, I have an innate ability to determine what is actually a problem or crisis (in relation to me). For me personally, this did not meet my own threshold. Given my lived experiences, it is healthier for me to not lean into this but rather focus on solutions. This can be different for everyone. I want cheerleading to be safer, I want accountability for what could or should have been done differently, but I do not want to experience feelings or self-inflicted stress over something I did not experience firsthand simply because I am attached to the event and people who did. FOR ME—this could be very damaging.
I haven’t read many perspectives like mine, and I felt it could be healthy to share. There could be others feeling this way, and it’s okay.
I care about others, and I care about our sport. I personally choose to channel my fear into helping, as it produces a much healthier outcome. I owe this to both of my parents, who were helpers—so that’s what I became.
I hope everyone made it home safely, and I look forward to updates as they become available.
NB: If you are a member of the international community or a client/friend, I am in the process of putting together a seminar with a trauma counselor, emergency action plan expert, and crisis communication expert. I expect to announce more details about a FREE seminar by Thursday to support those of you looking for guidance, support, or direction moving forward.
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